Via :Daily Mail

By David Neal

EYE GUM for the chattering masses, The Daily Mail has shocked its readers by telling them, and anyone else who stumbles into its mire, that 'the kids' are getting high on groovy music.

Having presumably never read any parodies of such salacious stories, the author of the piece, which is called, "I-Dosing: How teenagers are getting 'digitally high' from music they download from internet", tells us that although no one in the UK is doing it, we should all be concerned about it.

Still reeling from this shocking, terrifying, laughable (delete as appropriate) news, the Mail's Daniel Bates continues in such a chilling manner that we cannot bring ourselves to edit it.

"They put on their headphones, drape a hood over their head and drift off into the world of 'digital highs'.

"Videos posted on YouTube show a young girl freaking out and leaping up in fear, a teenager shaking violently and a young boy in extreme distress.

"This is the world of 'i-Dosing', the new craze sweeping the internet in which teenagers used so-called ‘digital drugs' to change their brains in the same way as real-life narcotics."

Indeed, I-dosing is sweeping the Internet, so much so that none of us had ever heard of it, and probably never would have, had the Daily Mail not sought to terrify us with its report.

Reminding us of this, perhaps unwisely early on in his story, Bates explained, "The craze has so far been popular among teenagers in the U.S. but given how easily available the videos are, it is just a matter of time before it catches on in Britain."

He adds that the highs are 'legal' in this country, raising the possibility that the Mail may start a campaign to ban what we are calling bong-music.

I-dosing bong-tunes have names like 'Gates of Hades' or 'Hand of God', which Bates said were 'imposing titles'. He continues, adding that some "sound like a ship's horn being repeated again and again whilst others are more abrasive and resemble cheap synthesizers being played very fast." Concerned parents should note that this makes bong-tunes sound more or less like any other piece of music their kids might be listening to.

The typical effects of bong-music include feeling compelled to post videos of yourself looking like an idiot on Youtube and allowing yourself to succumb to peer pressure and pretend that, like your mates, you thought it was, "Really cool, I think I saw flashing lights and stuff...", depending on what anyone else says they thought they saw. How groovy.

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